My English teacher always tells us, “Ranking doesn’t matter.” And it’s true. Ranking doesn’t matter when you socialize. No one cares.
Only colleges care. They care if you get placed in top 10, top 5%, top 10% of your class. Ranking to them is a very significant number. Since college cares about it, I care about it. I made it my goal to reach top 10 by the end of senior year. And I was so close. So close to that goal and then this semester ruined everything. I can’t even begin to describe my emotions. I hate my grades. I feel like everything is just crumpling down.
It’s just a number. I know, but when you’re reaching for something and its scrapes at your fingertips only to be ripped away from your again, it hurts.
It’s amazing how much one piece of news can affect me these days. Things that shouldn’t even bother me do. Things that are trivial and stupid and simple and insignificant are making my body quiver with anxiety and frustration.
I need to take a step back and look at the whole situation rather than at the microscopic, irrelevant problem.
I’m letting you get to my head again. I’m listening and repeating everything you say again. And that’s exactly what got me in trouble the first time. I know I shouldn’t, but you’re so compelling and persuasive I can’t do anything else. That’s why I admire you. That’s why I’m sad and trembling now, yet no one can help.
When you send someone a long message on Facebook and they just sign out. Gee. Thanks.
and I made them push a car.
This year has been good to me. I have surrounded myself with good people. People who relax me, who make me laugh, who I feel comfortable enough to show my room without having an anxiety attack because how catastrophic it is. I have rekindled 8 year old friendships with friends from my elementary school, so for once I can finally use the phrase, ” Remember in 4th grade when we ….” instead of listening to people rant on and on about memories I was not present to help make. The difference about these friends is that I feel so frivolous around them. I realized the difference in the ambiance between a college prep class and a regular class while taking USH this year. When someone new joins the class, everyone is nonchalant about it; when a new student joins an AP class, people are startled because students who take these classes never really change; the same kids take AP year after year. When someone fails a test in an AP class, it is as if the world has ended. In regular, they might be stunned for a few minutes, but life goes on for them. course there are exceptions. It’s just my speculations from what I’ve noticed from the people I associate myself with. These difference are what I enjoy so much this year; I get the best of both worlds. I still stress with the stress, but every now and then, I unwind the screw in my head to chill with da brosssssss.